Seven Times Failed
by Chi-Chan11
Summary: After his brother fell ill, Italy goes into an extreme depression, and his agony is shown in his works of poetry.


The First

_The first time I attempted,_

_Was a month or three ago._

_It was the day I found out,_

_My fratello may leave for good._

_I saw him at the doctor's office_

_Weak and wasted thin._

_The doctor told me, with a heavy heart,_

_That Lovi had two weeks most._

_Head bowed I ran home,_

_Tears hot sprung to my eyes._

_At home, I thus decided, _

_To join Lovi in his sleep to come._

_Scouring through the house, I found,_

_The power outlet and a fork,_

_To use to end my petty life._

_And so I sat upon the floor,_

_Implement in hand._

_Said a quick prayer and goodbye,_

_That I will be missed when I have gone._

_And so I hit the socket_

_And shut my eyes to die._

_The hot flash and the smell of smoke_

_Threw me on my back._

_I looked up with singed fingers._

_To find the power gone,_

_I cursed my inability_

_Determined to die again._

_But time and time again, I failed,_

_Seven times in all_

_And this is number one._

* * *

The Second:

_The second time I attempted,_

_Was a month or two ago._

_It was the day I found out,_

_My fratello had only gotten worse._

_He sat now in a sterile room,_

_Hooked to machines and lights._

_I sat beside him as he slept,_

_And told him I would join him soon._

_To home drearily I trudged,_

_Determined to get it right._

_In the house, I found a rope,_

_And an iron hook once for plants._

_I slung the rope up onto the hook,_

_And tied a perfect noose,_

_Said another prayer goodbye,_

_My time come now to die._

_I stepped up upon a stool,_

_And slipped my head into my loop._

_I kicked away the offending perch,_

_To hang away my life._

_With a gag, I was suspended in the air._

_I felt my mind slip away,_

_But a sudden snap, brought me back._

_And I crumpled to the ground._

_In my hands the broken rope,_

_And hook torn down to earth._

_Again determined to die for good,_

_Upon the ground, I sat and wept._

_But time and time again, I failed,_

_Seven times in all._

_And this is number two. _

* * *

The Third:

_The third time I attempted,_

_Was a month or so ago_

_And this time I was determined,_

_To let myself and Lovi go._

_I sat poised at the table,_

_A pistol clenched in hand_

_This time I would end it,_

_And spill my life essence to the floor._

_The tears started to fall again,_

_Hot thick they rolled down my face,_

_And suddenly I had a pen in hand._

_A scrap of paper smoothed out in front of me._

_Very slowly I began to write out,_

_All my woes and terrors._

_Told Lovi and Ludwig goodbye,_

_I folded the paper up in a tight fold._

_And pushed the gun to my head,_

_My finger rested on the trigger._

_I grit my teeth, ready to move on,_

_I pulled the trigger back._

_A click was all that greeted me,_

_And I dropped my head in shame._

_Wrenching the magazine open, _

_I discovered there were no bullets._

_I silly was I?_

_I should know I owned no ammunition._

_My attempts all wasted,_

_I tore the letter to pieces,_

_And again began to sob._

_I'm determined to end my pointless life,_

_But time and time again I failed_

_Seven times in all_

_And this is number three._

* * *

The Fourth:

_The fourth time I attempted,_

_Was a week or three ago._

_The day I found out,_

_That fratello was gone for a moment or two._

_Depression had sunk in deeper,_

_As I took a long walk to gone._

_I had sat with Lovi earlier,_

_And watched him cough and shake._

_So I left, to clear my head,_

_And ended up at the cliffs._

_I stared over at the pounding waves,_

_As they crashed upon the shore._

_Deciding to leave no trace of myself,_

_I edged closer to the cliff._

_I grit my teeth, tensed my body._

_And flung myself over the edge._

_For seconds I was flying, flying._

_But then I hit the ground,_

_The waves blanketed my head._

_And my eyes went blank and hollow._

_I woke up on a sandy shore,_

_My mouth filled with liquid death._

_I pulled myself up, choking out,_

_All that had tried to do me in._

_The tears came faster and thicker this time,_

_And I laid upon the sand._

_Still determined I was to die,_

_But time and time again I failed,_

_Seven times in all,_

_And this is number four._

* * *

The Fifth:

_The fifth time I attempted,_

_Was a week or two ago,_

_It was the day I found out,_

_Fratello had gone on life support._

_In agony, my chest about to burst,_

_I made my way to the train tracks._

_And said my final goodbyes._

_Tears again to fall,_

_I laid down in the tracks,_

_Two heavy rails on either side._

_I locked my eyes to the heavens,_

_Oh Lovi, I'll see you in the sky._

_And there we'll be together,_

_Happy and o' so well,_

_But first I must pass on,_

_To truly join your gaining kingdom._

_The first rumblings came from far,_

_And roared upon me like a wave._

_I shut my eyes and grit my teeth,_

_To welcome the death to come soon._

_But soon the noise was gone, something was amiss._

_Sitting up, I found the train long gone. _

_Letting out a shriek of fury,_

_I hit my fists upon the ground._

_The tears, half insane they were,_

_Blinded my eyes to the world._

_Off to home I staggered on,_

_Still determined yet to die._

_But time and time again I failed,_

_Seven times in all._

_And this is number five._

* * *

The Sixth:

_The sixth time I attempted,_

_Was a week or so ago._

_The day I decided,_

_To give it all up._

_And just lend myself to death's cold clutches._

_I walked into the woods,_

_The first chemical I could fine in hand,_

_And a lighter in the other._

_I stood among the trees and grass,_

_And poured foul liquid over my head._

_I coughed and sputtered, and fell down to my knees,_

_Screamed my goodbyes to Lovi, Ludwig and friends._

_I flicked the lighter, staring at the glowing flame._

_I brought it to my shirt and watched as it slowly caught ablaze._

_The flames flickered soft and sweet, I was ready for a demon._

_But in an attempt to foil me, _

_The flames they did snuff out._

_I fell to ground, crying,_

_Every curse and fear I could._

_Still determined I was to die._

_But time and time again I failed,_

_Seven times in all._

_And this is number six._

* * *

The Seventh:

_The seventh time I attempted,_

_Was a day or so ago._

_The day I finally snapped,_

_Now I'm ready to die and go,_

_And get my life over with._

_So I sat where my gun once failed._

_A bottled poison in my hand,_

_Gritting my eyes tightly,_

_I whispered hoarse goodbyes._

_I brought the vial to my lips,_

_And gulped the bitter toxin._

_A chilling rush fell over me,_

_And my stomach spilt in two._

_I raced over to the bathroom near,_

_And purged all inside of me._

_When my body left empty and scoured,_

_I fell to the floor with a scream._

_The world seems to vex me,_

_And they refuse to let me die._

_Please, tell me why,_

_Why in fact, I may not go._

_I sat crying hours,_

_Deciding how at last to go._

_I certainly will die tomorrow,_

_But time and time again, I failed,_

_Seven times in all._

_And this is number seven._

* * *

The Final Act:

_The last time I attempted,_

_Is here and now again._

_I'm done waiting and trying to,_

_Off myself to gone._

_So with my knife in hand I sit,_

_Ready to spill blood._

_Time and time I failed,_

_But now no more of such._

_This is my final act,_

_I'll miss you Ludwig, the company you kept,_

_Goodbye world, Lovi, see you soon…_

* * *

In disbelief, Germany clutched the letters in his hand. He had known of Romano's sickness, and Italy's sadness at the fact. However, he had heard nothing of Italy's attempted suicides. The ink on the last poem was still fresh, the toner shining blue; the paper dark with tears. "Mein Gott." With a hoarse whisper, Germany dropped the papers and they scattered across the floor. He raced out into the bathroom, where a rapidly paling Italy was hunched on the floor, blood flowing from his wrists. Grabbing his counter-part, he wrenched the pocket-knife away, throwing it elsewhere. "Why Feliciano? Why would you do this?" He clutched the little Italian close, reaching for a first-aid kit.

"Ludwig?" The small brunette's eyelids fluttered, deep orbs piercing Germany's blue eyes. "Lovi, he was going to go, and I wanted to be with him." His voice was starting to fade, "stay with me please?"

"Of course Feli, you need treatment though." The German hugged his friend close, praying he would hang on just a little longer. Although, to his dismay, Italy's eyes slid closed. "Feliciano! Stay with me! I promised you, now you have to stay with me!" Becoming frantic, he gripped Italy's arm tightly until his eyes slipped open. Reaching for the phone, he began to dial.

* * *

It was about three o'clock in the afternoon, Germany was sitting beside a still asleep Italy, who had been rushed to the operating room to repair his shredded veins and arteries. He now was clutching his counterpart's hand, hanging on for dear life. He was looking over at the clock, when he felt a squeeze at his hand. Looking over, he saw Italy, his eyes wide open. "Ludwig?" Meekly, the Italian stared like a puppy, "I'm so sorry. Is Lovi okay?" Sighing, Germany looked to him.

"Romano is much better Feliciano, we was extremely angry when he heard about your attempted suicide. It seems to have fueled his recovery. You scared everyone last night, you know that right?" Italy suddenly looked guilty, tears streaming down his face.

"I know!" The little Italian started to wail "it was all stupid, I'm so sorry Ludwig!" Looking on the verge of collapse, he threw his arms around Germany. "Please don't leave me." This time it was a whisper. "Please." To his surprise, a soft kiss was pressed on his cheek.

"Of course." Sighing, he hugged Italy back, relishing the fragile warmth.

"Grazie. Ti amo Ludwig." The soft voice in his ear made him tense for a second.

"Ich liebe dich auch Feliciano."

* * *

**Thank you for reading my depressing story! I'm sorry to any Italy lovers I have angered or appalled. The translations are below.**

**-Chi-Chan11**

**German:**

**Ich liebe dich auch: I love you too**

**Mein Gott: My God**

**Italian:**

**Ti amo: I love you**

**Grazie: Thank you**


End file.
